“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
(Bold emphasis is mine.)
You lost a limb. Your father used you to do his Droopy Is Mad impression. Your mother stole all your wealth and threw you out a plane. Your love of your life stabbed you in the back when you trusted her most and left you do die, telling all and sundry that you tried to rape her. You got shot, by accident, because some gang-banger missed his target so bad and you were behind three walls and a sofa that didn't stop the bullet. Your man turned you out under color of some BS religion. Your grandparents lost their immediate family in one of the many genocides of the past century. Sempai Never Noticed You.
We get it. You got shat on, sometimes well before you're born, and you're not liking that God rolled 3d6 in order down the row and rolled badly.
So. Fucking. What.
You got a shit row of attributes for the Real Life RPG. You got screwed on the Hit Die and Starting Gold roles. The game goes on regardless of what you got to work with. The Great Game Master demands that you step the fuck up and fulfill just ONE FUCKING DEMAND:
Yes, I know all about failure, and I understand why you'd rather take refuge in your past when you can wield that victimization as a club to batter your way to getting what you want in life (or what you can get). That doesn't fix the problem; I know, the hard way, that it's just passage on the Fail Boat. You don't learn from your past this way; you just cling to it like an addict to his drug.
You want to know what the folks who succeed in life have in common? They not only learn how to deal with failure, they make failure work for them as part of a system. That's right, they don't think about working towards goals; they think in terms of creating success-generating systems wherein failure is just the end of an iterative process that concludes in a process system that creates and sustains the desired result.
This ain't the fucking Illiminati. No secret rites. No handshakes, sacrifices, or oaths of Ruinous Powers involved. I've got sweet fuck-all for money, and I'm putting in the time to find the folks willing to prove that they're legit by give this information away. You want to make that past misfortune worthwhile? Pull off some metaphorical Alchemy and use those experiences to build up an interative system that creates the success you desire.
That's why the past is done. This ain't Doctor Who; no mad man in a box in going to appear to whisk you away to fix that shit. That arm is gone. That wife is gone. That man is dead. That house is ashes and dust. That job got the fuck on a boat and went overseas. Your son died. Your daughter done goofed. Your dog loved you as only a dog can, but he too is gone. You're still here. Moving on isn't a fucking choice. No brakes on this train, folks.
So, what's it going to be? Cling like a crackwhore to a past that can't--not doesn't, can't--do you any good anymore, or deal with the real world that is here and now and take control over your creation of your future- because one way or another you WILL create it, and unless you accept that the past is done and cut off that dead weight all you will do is create a future that kills you and all you hold dear.