The Culture: No, Oldfag Cargo Cultist, They Will Not Just

The Professor shills for CONSUME DIFFERENT PRODUCT to solve the problem his own cult caused.

This is a "Just do (X)" argument.

Fuck you, retard. THEY WILL NEVER JUST!

Network Effects means this is a non-starter, and the Professor is a dunce to make it because he knows--I've told him, repeatedly--that this is not an answer and linked him the receipts.

So yes, he did the meme.

The only viable action is to play older D&D editions. That keeps you in The Only User Network That Matters, reduces friction to zero, and actually fucking works.

You'd think he'd know better, but he's incentivized not to so here he is being stupid on main. 50 years of history shows he's wrong, over 25 since Dancey explained with charts and graphs why he's wrong, and independently demonstrated by parallel competing media multiple times since, and here he is telling you that you're really going to kick that ball this time Charlie Brown.

Just play earlier--better--D&D.

The Culture: One Post Encapsulated The Matter Perfectly

Sometimes you come across something so complete that it needs to be shared.

Untold devastation was wrought on D&D play when the left half of the painting with the hirelings doing grunt work was omitted, leaving players with the impression that an expected party only had 5 members. 🙃 https://t.co/k5SrDkEJ5D

— Alexander Macris (@archon) June 9, 2026

No lies detected. Henchmen and Hirelings--your man's subordinates, whom you command--are a load-bearing pillar of the hobby and their omission is a major contributor to the lobotomization into the Cargo Cult.

The Business: Paizo Deserves Its Destruction

Paizo is in the shitter.

Death Cultists eating their own is never a bad time.

I want to see Paizo burn to ash. It cannot justify its existence anymore, and could not for over a decade, not after Wizards of the Coast proved the Network Effect is real. This was always a sector on borrowed time, and that time has run out because Diamond fucked the entire sector and only WOTC can tank that without notice. Expect other bottom-feeding scum like this to falter this year and moreso next year because the collapse is here and those that get destroyed deserve it for not moving when they had the chance.

Fuck Paizo. Fuck all these faggots. BURN!

Only D&D Matters. Only WOTC Matters. Everything else in the hobby worth a damn is non-commercial, and thus is in the Clubhouse, where these wankers are not allowed.

The Culture: The Grifting Beast Casts Sophistry Again

Grifting Beast back again trying to ankle-bite the Bros.

GriftyBoi uses Appeal To Trivality citing a claimed gap between the "hardcore" and the casual.

• He uses a Troy Press Survey of 204 casual players who claimed to have played D&D- claimed but with no confirmation. Most respondents couldn't name basic rules, classes, or even all six core ability scores.
• GriftyBoi uses this to claim that for the vast majority of players, D&D is a social activity—a "folk tradition"—where one friend acts as the Dungeon Master to facilitate a shared story, while other players simply show up to enjoy the experience without needing to memorize mechanics. We know this is a lie because Vidya exists and mogs the shit out of this claim.
• Grifty says that Mearls confirms that research at Wizards of the Coast often showed similar results when surveying the general public. He highlights that casual players often have a vague idea of the game's mechanics but prioritize the social, storytelling aspects of the session above the technical rule set.

He uses this to justify his Calvinball fake-and-gay bullshit Cargo Cult.

No, GriftyBoi, this is a game, games have rules, and the rules are to be obeyed. "Folk tradition" is not an excuse for disobediance. It's a way to get treated like any other cheater- thrown out and banned. Claiming otherwise makes you no different than the Death Cultists claiming orcs are racist so everything has to be changed, which makes you as much of a noxious faggot needing the flame as any of them.

The Culture: This Is What Tabletop Contends WIth

The week before this past one, and over last weekend, we had the annual Summer Games hypefest with the Dorito Pope and others.

Of those on the PC Gaming Show showcase, this caught my attention.

Valheim has been around in Early Access for years. It is one of the best alteratives to Fake D&D that Vidya has which scratches the itch, and it's less than the cost of most Tabletop rulebooks worth having- certainly less than The Only Game That Matters.

Look at the Steam page. Most PCs rigs are able to play this game now. It's $20 at full price. You can play along or with others, and your deeds can have persistent results.

This is what Fake D&D has to fight with to stay relevant. It doesn't fight with lesser knockoffs. It fights with superior products, and it fights with superior hobby forms (e.g. the Clubhouse and Braunstein).

And for many prospects, Valheim is the better value proposition! Only the Clubhouse competes.

The Culture: "Do This AD&D Thing To Fix Your B/X Problem" Is What Oldfags Always Do

All these OldFags stuck on B/X "solve" things by doing what AD&D1e presumes as Standard Operating Procedure.

This will become fucking obvious when players start running opposing factions. Now players start seeing why they need to do things with that gold beside rack it and stack it.

Calling them on this has predictable responses. Contempt for Oldfags is justified; just play AD&D1e.

The Culture: Even PHDs Can't Fix Cargo Cultism

This shrink almost gets it.

You can tell that he can't solve the problem because he's a Fake D&D Cargo Cultist, so his Just So priors prevent him from accurately identifying the problem and thus from solving the problem.

He cannot comprehend that Tabletop is about the Fantasy of Agency, about being The Man In Command, as befits this being a form of wargaming.

He's never played Braunstein (and I do mean Weaseley's original here) and it shows. He's been told to catch up, and he'll be dragged kicking and screaming to the truth along with everyone else.